(Relationship) Keep Yourself Busy and Learn to Trust
- WACADEMY
- Feb 9, 2024
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 21
Among many things in life, we invest much of our time in relationships and we may come across bad people who have different intentions than us. When we find out they have ill intentions, we lose trust in them and this causes trust issues in our other relationships. Then we go down this downward spiral of constant trust issues that prevent healthy relationships.
Now there really are two options when we find ourselves in this spiral: either we sit in misery and self-pity or we forgive them and move on. Whether I recommend one over the other, I will discuss later in the post, but I want to first highlight that setting preventive measures in place can help us avoid unhealthy relationships altogether. It obviously isn't our fault that they are bad people, but it may be prudent to reflect on our discerning skills when it comes to people. At the end of the day, we were the ones who chose them to be in a relationship with. Also, question whether you ignored some of the obvious red flags because you had been blinded by their attractiveness.
Now, the practical ways to avoid these unhealthy partners are to first immerse yourself in a healthy, goal-driven environment (e.g. church, yoga, various sports). This isn't to say that there aren't bad people in this environment, but you do have a greater chance of meeting honest, dedicated people here than in bars or clubs. Secondly, stop ignoring red flags. For instance, when you find that the person does drugs, likes to party and goes on a weekly casino trip, it would be wise to weed them out no matter how beautiful and attractive they are. When we stop to suppress the mature side of us that warns against these people, we are doing ourselves a huge favour both physically and mentally.
Now, if we had already dated these people and developed trust issues, the first thing to do is to get rid of the source of these trust issues. Secondly, we must practice turning the doubtful thoughts into positive ones. Question yourself, "What did my current partner do to deserve the doubts I am manifesting on them?" Then, consciously turn these doubts into optimistic thoughts:
'What if he's talking behind my back?' --> 'I am sure he is complimenting me because I try to be a good girlfriend'
'What if she's flirting with someone else?' --> 'I know my girlfriend loves me because she chose me and I strive to be a good person'.
'What if my girlfriend becomes attracted to another guy?' --> 'My girlfriend is loyal and I trust her'.
So often people don't even try practicing this skill because they doubt that their thought process can be transformed as it is their inherent trait. I thought that way as well, being overall negative, unconfident, and doubtful my entire life. But, I put it to the test at the request of my therapist and to my surprise most of my negative thoughts have been replaced by positive ones in a matter of a few months. These are some things I practiced saying to myself everyday (my therapist at the time made me email them to her in the morning and she would respond to it):
'I love myself because I try to be a good person, I stay consistent, and I take responsibility for my actions'
'I am confident that my partner is having a great time with her friends'
'I am glad she is involved in a healthy community. Talking to many different people will benefit her'
'I am glad my best friend has other good friends so he can rely on them as well when I am not available'
'I trust that my girlfriend will not cross boundaries with other men'
'I trust my decision because I tend to think deeply about things'
A simple, daily self-compliment and positive thinking helped me immensely in both eliminating my doubts against my partner and in raising my self-esteem.
Final thing I want to say in all of this is to rely on God. Pray to him that you surrender all your doubts, anxieties and problems to the Lord as God does already have a perfect plan for you. And be at peace that the very almighty God never betrays.

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